Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope everyone is going to have an amazing Christmas wherever they may be and who they are with. I know I am going to have an amazing Christmas, with my mom, dad and brother!! ♥ Gonna get up in the morning, watch the Christmas Parade, open gifts, watch the Cardinals game and eat Christmas dinner!

Merry Christmas!! Be safe out there!

With Love ♥
Ash

P.S. Remember Christmas is not about getting gifts, it's about family, doing nice things for others and giving to others!

Home Sweet Home ♥

They say home is where the heart ♥  is at, not an actual physical house. My question is can your heart be in more than one place, making more than one place your home? My personal answer is YES. My home where I grew up at, where my parents still live today and has all my child memories is one home and will always be home to me as long as my family is there. Then my second home is my apartment in Phoenix,AZ, where I have personally decorated it and put pictures up of my family and friends. My apartment is only a temporary home until I finish school and start my career and move somewhere else can call home and make a lot of great memories!

Where is your heart at?


♥

Monday's Likes and Dislikes

Likes ♥ :

♥ Getting my new bed spread and decorative pillows

♥ Seeing my bestie Alana

♥ Watching Grey Anatomy's

♥ Taking naps


Dislikes:

- Final Papers

- HR teacher not emailing feedback like she said she was going to do

- Not getting everything done that I would have liked too.

- Having a lot of laundry to do


Technically it is Tuesday right now, but these are a few things I liked about my Monday and didn't enjoy. This week is finals and final projects, shoot me now please. It is so stressful trying to get everything done and study enough. I think after I turn my project in for photography, things will be a little less stressful. Right now, I feel like I am gonna break down and cry but I have to just get  through my the week and work on Friday night and then I am going out and drinking!!!!

I hope every is kicking ass on finals and have a good week!

♥

Weekend FuN!

It is so sad, when the weekend comes to an end, and you have to get all serious again. This weekend was a good one, a did a lot more than I realized. Friday night, I hung out with my friend, we went to this bar called The Vine, they had $1 u call its, it was a lot of fun, and just a chill night. Saturday, I got to see my bestie Alana ♥ , I only got to see her for an hour, but it's better than nothing. I worked both Friday and Saturday night, wasn't to bad, a little chilly though. Sunday, I volunteered to help a with fashion show/lifestyle show called Thread, I helped set up and check in the exhibitors. I got a little bit of studying done, not as much as I would have liked though. Now, that the weekend is over, it's time to focus and get through finals and final projects! Wish me luck!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

♥

Did you say it?

"Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it?
Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. Every now and then take a look around, drink it in, cause this is it. It might all end tomorrow." - Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Meredith

You never know when something terrible is going to happen. You never know when someone you love dearly could be taken from you. You never know when your time is.  What if you never told that some one that you love them and you lost the chance forever?
Make sure to tell the ones you love that you love them, never leave things on a bad note, never go to bed mad at someone, especially someone you love. Because there may not be a tomorrow.
Always live your life to the fullest in every waking moment. Take a risk every once in a while. Always follow your dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem. Because there may not be a tomorrow.
God or the world doesn't promise us that there will be a tomorrow for everyone, so take advantage of today and every day that you are here.

Yesterday, my best friend had to go through an horrific experience. Her boyfriend is a pharmacist, and while at work, a man came in and held a gun to his head and robbed the pharmacy. Thank God that he is okay, and the man left with the drugs and left everyone unharmed.

So remember to tell your loved ones that you love them and can't picture life without them, you never know what is going to happen.

♥

What do you do when...

What do you do when you are talking to some one and you aren't sure what you guys are exactly talking about?  Do you pretend that you know what is going on? but then what if they ask a specific question.. and you are like ahh shit, i don't know what you talking about, and then you have to fess up and tell them. Then you kind of feel stupid after that. I hate situations like that. Should you fess up in the beginning right when you realize you don't know what's going on or what?

Phase of the day:

Here's my phase of the day, there is a story behind it :
" I want some but  I am not getting any"

So Brenda, Olga, and I were eating at Subway before class, and we were talking about needing to get some sleep and not getting any sleep. I was all yeah I am not getting any sleep this week, and then I said " I want some but I am not getting any", and of course it sounded it dirty. Now, Brenda and Olga are making fun of me, saying I wasn't talking about sleep, but really I was. Haha. Hope everyone had a great day, and had a good laugh about my story and had a reason to smile today!

♥

Monday's Likes and Dislikes...

Likes ♥ :
♥ Parents coming to visit
♥ Dinner with the parents
♥ Rearranging and making more space in my room
♥ 90210
♥ Having the day off from work
♥ Getting my mom an amazing present

Dislikes :( -
Finals and final projects
Cleaning
Parents going back home
Knowing I have to go to school tomorrow
Gas prices

Crushes ♥

Crushes aren't just for high school and jr. high, at least not for me. Right now, I am not to interested in having a boyfriend or much of anything with a guy. I just have a little crush here and there. Recently, I just developed a new crush on this guy that goes to ASU. I am not gonna give much details about him cause some people might be able to figure out who this guy is and might tell him. I'd rather keep this crush on the DL. He is super cute of course, funny and a really nice guy. I hope to get to hang out with him so more. But like I said, he is just a crush and nothing will come out of it most likely. It's just fun to be crushing on someone and flirt with them and maybe get a little more happier when they are around.

Thanksgiving! ♥

Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year. I get to spend it with the people I care about so much. I just wanted to take this time to write about all the things I am thankful for and the people I am thankful for.

I am thankful....
- To be getting a college education, in an awesome school
- I am thankful for my job, it's not my dream job or anything, but hey it's a job.
- I am thankful for all my parents to do to help me out.
- I am thankful to have such amazing friends in my life.
- I am very thankful to be alive today
- I am very thankful to be at home with my family and friends, and pets.

I am thankful for all the amazing people in my life, those people are:

Mom and Dad: They do so much for me, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be where I am at today with my life. I love them so much

Brother, Chris: He maybe a jerk sometimes but at the end of day we love each other and know that we will always be there for each other. He's not only my brother but my best friend

Alana: Such an amazing best friend, an amazing person and beautiful woman. I am truly blessed to have a friend like her. BFF. I love her to death.

Rasha: Best friends in fifth grade and still best friends in college. She is just an awesome best friend and person. She is always there for me when I need her. Love her to death! Besties forever!

Krista: We may not have the same friendship that we used to have but I will always love and care for her. I am grateful to have had be a part of my life.

Olga: I am so glad to have become friends with her. I know I can always count her. We have so much together! I hope we remain friends for a long time.

Brenda: She is such a sweet girl, so happy to have meet her. We have so many more memories to make in the future!

Kara: So glad that me and her became friends, she is such a kind and good friend. I hope continue to be friends a quite some time!

Kayla: I miss her so much and  can't wait to go out with her since she is 21. I am so lucky to have her as friends, she is such an awesome person! Love her!

Chelsie: I am so glad that we live in the same place and get to hang out a lot. I am happy that we are close again, we just picked up where we left off at! Love her!

Lindsey: We have been friends since we were 5 and we will always be friends no matter where life takes us. I am so grateful for a friend like her, she really gets me!

My guys friends: You guys are all awesome and fun people! Thankful for the good guy friends that I have in my life.

I am thankful for everyone i am friends, friends are the family that god didn't give you by blood. Love you guys!

I hope everyone has an awesome thanksgiving! And remember to think about all things you are thankful for on this day but not only this day everyday! :) Be safe and eat lots of turkey! :)

Studying Tips!

This week at my school (Art Institute) is mid-term week. That means a lot of studying to do, so that I can kick butt on my exams. I think the hardest part about studying is using the correct techniques for studying. Learning the material for each exam can be difficult, and how to learn the material various. For example, some times your teachers will give you study guides with information on it that you need to know, and the test is multiple choice, matching or essay. For those type of tests, I usually go through the study guide and find the information for each topic that I need to know, and I ether type it up or write in on paper as notes. If possible I make questions out of the topics, and use the information I found on the topic to answer those questions. Then I put those questions on flash cards and use them to study and I also go over my notes I took in class and that I found in the book.
Another type of test is fill in the blank, where the definition is given  and you provide the term. I had a test like that today, I had to know 50 terms. To prepare for this test, I made flash cards with the term on one side and the definition on the other side. Then to get the terms complete memorized, I wrote each term out 5 times. ( Not typed, handwritten) Doing this helps to you to process this information into the brain, sometimes looking at the term/definition doesn't do this, but writing it out helps with this. Then with each term, I would find a word in the definition that is associated with the term.  For the fill in the blank test I had today, all of the these techniques helped a lot, I got a 88% on the test. :)
The best test to take is an open notes or open book, or both. I had one of those today, and it was pretty easy. it was a little difficult to find the information in the text. I didn't doing any preparing for this test. I recommend to prepare for this type of exam, is just browse through your notes or text and find out where things are, therefore when taking the exam you don't have to search as much.

I hope these studying tips help you guys on your next exam!

Some extra tips are:
Get enough sleep the night before the test
Eat breakfast
Have all the materials you will need

HaLlOwEeN sPeCiAl PaRt 2

Here are some more picutres of my halloween weekend, I would have more to post but sadly I lost my camera on Saturday night at a house party .. :( But these are some from my friend Olga. I hope everyone had an awesome halloween weekend, I know I did. Now it's time to get down to business and kick ass on my mid-terms. and also catch up on my beauty sleep. :)

HaLlOwEeN sPeCiAl

Kaylee and I

Paige, me,Kayla and Kayla's friend. ( Character from Harry Potter, Cinderalla, Nemo, and a Nerd)

Halloween is a time where everyone gets to dress up! The past couple of years I didn't get to really dress up. This year was different. I decided to be Cinderalla, a somewhat sexy one. Last night I went to an awesome Halloween Party, it got busted at like 2am or around there, but I had so much. There were some awesome. costumes, my friend CaLynn was a louffa, a group of my guy friends were The Beatles, two of my guy friends were Pregant Nuns, there was a cookie monster ( 2 actually one in an actually cookie monster and a sexy verison). There were a few people at the party that didn't dress up, those people are lame and don't know how to have fun.  I hope you like the pictures I post, throughout the weekend I'll be posting more.

Struggling in Life

It's Thursday, one day before the weekend begins. For me, Thursday's is a hard day for me. One, I have to get up at 6 am to get ready for school, two I have to sit in rush hour traffic to get to school, and three it's the end of the week and all I want to do is have fun & relax but I know I have school work to do. I really struggle to stay focused on what needs to get done. But lately I realized, this isn't' just happening on Thursday's, I've been struggling to stay focus on school and everything since I started my new classes back in September. Every week, I try to get re-focused and get things done but I can't seem to. I get my homework done but at the last minute right before class. I don't get any of my reading done. I say I am gonna do laundry, but I keep putting it off until I have a tons of it to do and nothing to wear, same with the dishes, I don't do them until I don't have any left to use. ( You are probably thinking they sit in my sink but they sit in the dishwasher) I tell myself, I need to go to the gym but I never do. So what do I do when I just can't focus and I feel like I am struggling so much to keep pushing onwards? If anyone has some advice to give me, I would love to hear it!

I looked up some inspiring quotes for myself, and also for those that may also be struggling in life....

* What a great feeling to look back on what you've already climbed.


*Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. -Joshua J. Marine


*Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.

*Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.- John Heywood


*Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure.. than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt

Single VS Being in a Relationship

I have been single since the end of July. Back in high school it would have bugged me being single because then I always wanted a boyfriend. Right now, I don't mind being single. I like being on my own most of the time. Then again, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, as long as it was a good and healthy one. I believe there is advantages and disadvantages to being single, and vice versa with being in a relationship.

Single

Advantages:

More time for yourself.

More time for your friends.

More time for your family.

Free to do what you want, when you want.

Can talk to whoever you please.

Flirt with a guy if you please, with out

someone getting mad at you.

Disadvantages:

No one to cuddle with.

No one to have date night with.

Your friends that do have a significant other does a lot of things

with them instead of you.

Can't double date with your best friend and their significant other.

NO Sex....

Being in a relationship

Advantages:

Someone to spend your time with.

Someone to have date night with.

Sleepovers

Can double date with your best friend and their

significant other.

Sex

Disadvantages:

Less time with friends, and family.

Less alone time for yourself.

Depending on your significant other, can't talk to whoever

like a friend of the opposite sex.

Sometimes can't do what you want.

Every one is different and prefers different things. Some people don't want a relationship and prefer to be alone. Then on the other hand some people like to have a significant other. To me, it doesn't matter, I do better on my own but having someone is always nice too.

A friend is, A friend isn't...

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.

A FRIEND IS....

Respectful

Caring,

Uplifing,

Inspiring,
Encouraging,
Helps you grow,
Loves you for who you are,
Always there for you,
,Understanding,
Listens to you.

A FRIEND DOES NOT....

Put you down,
Acts disrespectful towards you,
Say mean things to you,
Try to change you,
Say things that they know will offend you.. Espically regarding your beliefs,
Shut you out,
Ignore you

A friend supports you , A friend lets you be friends with whoever regardless of their opinion, A friend backs you up, A friend is honest with you.

A friend does not tell you that you are fat; if they ask, there is a nice way to put things, A friend doesn't try to blame everything on you when you try to confort them about issues, A friend does not talk behind your back.

If someone you consider a friend is not treating you right, confort them, do not let them get away with it.

Sometimes a "friend" crosses a certin line, and enough is enough, you need to tell them that if they are going to treat you badly, then you can't be friends. It may be hurt to lose a friend, but you deserve a friend that is going to treat you well and with respect.

And alway remember treat others how you would like to be treated in return.

Much Love,
Ash

Do what you love!

" To love what you do and feel that it matters- How could anything be more fun?" - Catharine Graham

I say, everyone should do what they love, regardless of other's opinions. As long as it matters to you and makes you happy, do it. I love fashion!, that is way I' am going to the Art Institute, for Fashion Marketing. I can honestly say that I like going to school now, because I am doing something that matters to me and makes me happy. Other's may not understand why I am spending a ton of money on going to an Art School, but in my own opinion being at art school is right for me. It gives me a chance to be creative with my ideas and inspiration. It gives me a chance to turn those ideas and inspiration into a career for myself. I have so much fun at this school, learning is fun here ( most of the time).

What do you love? If you love it, it matters!

Much Love,
Ash

21st Birthday!

Matt and I at the bar.

Jesse, My brother Chris, Me and Robert at the bar :)

Olga and I at a bar!

Kim, Me and Olga before we went out to mill!

1st Legal Drink :)

I am finally 21 :) It was a great birthday, low key but really great. I spent it with some of my favorite people. Rasha and I went out to lunch at Chilis, where I got to order my first "legal" drink, Strawberry Margarita and our server bought me a shot. :) Even though I should I have been doing school, I figure hey its my birthday I deserve to have some fun, so Rasha and I went and played in the pool. Later on at night, my brother came from Tucson to go out for me and I invited my good friend Kim and my new friend Olga from school, and Kim brought her friend Matt, that I had met once before back at UofA. We first took couple of shots at my apartment, then we went to mill ave. It was a lot of fun. At the second bar, we ran into my 2 friends Jesse and Robert, from back home. I see Jesse sometimes at parties in tempe, but I haven't seen Robert in a long time. It was good to see them. I had a great birthday, thank you every one for all the birthday wishes and thanks for everyone that went out with me! :)

Much Love,
Ash

8 days till 21!

Here I am up at 4am in the morning, I can't sleep. :( Instead ,I'll just write.

I can not believe in 8 days I will be 21. To me, it is so crazy. A year ago, I was wishing that I was 21, and now I am finally going to be 21. It's a weird feeling, I am growing up so quickly. Time sure does fly.

Turning 21 for everyone is being able to drink legally, and go to bars and clubs. Yes, it's about that for me too, but not completely. For me, turning 21, is a new beginning, a new chapter in my life. I feel like I can get a fresh start. Realizing how fast I am growing up, I know turning 21 is a time to start setting up my life, for the life ahead of me. It's time to have fun but also to start being responsible and building a future for myself.

In this past year, I've been attending the Art Institute of Phoenix, for fashion marketing. With each class I taken, I figure out something else that I might like to do for a career. I know that I want to a trend forecaster/trend reporter for a fashion magazine. I thought, that I wanted to have my own clothing line but once again I think I might change my mind. I still want to be a designer but not a clothing designer. I am currently taking an accessories class, and for a project due next week, I am making an handbag. For anyone that knows me, at least in the past couple of years, I love accessories, especially handbags. I love to wear accessories, I think it completes an outfit. So now, I think I might I want to be a accessories designer, and I could maybe still be a clothing designer as well. I guess we will see how things go with the handbag that I am making right now. If it doesn't go well, doesn't mean that I can be an accessories designer, just means that I need to practice it and improve in that area. I am also going to start making some clothes. Hopefully this all goes well, so I can start figuring out what I want to do in the designing area.

Now that I'll be 21, it's time to start figuring these types of things, so I can be prepared for the future ahead. It's time to for a fresh start, and turing 21 is where it all begins for me! Wish me luck everyone! And I hope to be celebrating with all my friends for this big birthday for me!

Love,
Ash

Starts with GoodBye

It is hard to let go of people but sometimes you just have to do what is going to be good for you. You may miss the person every day. But sticking around sometimes can make things worse or make you feel worse. I love this song by Carrie Underwood. It explains exactly how I am feeling.
Here it is-

Starts With Goodbye
By: Carrie Underwood

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you're standing at crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,

I guess it's gonna break me down,

Like falling when you try to fly,

It's sad,but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,

Starts with Goodbye

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,

Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

[Chorus]

Time Heals,

The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

[Chorus]

I recommend listening to this song, it's a really good song.
Have a great day!

Love,
Ashley

Ten Laws of Me

Ten Laws of Me

1. Family comes first, No matter what.

2. Live, Laugh, Love. Live your life to the fullest. Laugh always. Love Much- Love yourself, Love your life, Love your family and Love your friends.

3. Be willing to try new things, as long as it doesn't put my life or who I am at risk. Expections: Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, etc.

4. Always be the best verison of myself.

5. School is most important but make sure to have time for some fun.

6. Be happy with what I have, do not complain about what I don't have or my problems. Noone likes some who is negative about their live. I am luck for what I do have,there are people with nothing.

7. Do not change who I am for anyone or anything. I am happy with who I am and if someone doesn't like it, then they don't have to be in my life.

8. Know my responsiblities, and honor those responsibilities. If I do not, and the results turn out not so good, I have noone to blame but myself.

9. Be a good person, meaning be good to others, you never know what someone else is going through. Treat people how I wanted to be treated.

10. Live a full, happy, and heathly life, don't take like for granted, you never know when it's your time.

For my ethics class, we had to come up with 10 laws for me, these are mine and I really do try to live by them .

Enjoy!

Love,
Ashley

Another bump in the Road

Well Lets do a updated. Well my guy is gone till like the 2 week in July :( So I am kind of lonely. After he left, I went home the weekend. Well thats when things started going down hill. Monday May 24th, 2010 I went to the Doctors cause I thought I had a bladder infection, which I did. Well that same day my right leg started hurting, in my calf. By the next day, It was hard to walk. I thought hey I just pulled a muscle. The pain kept getting worse. Come thursday I could barely walk and I was having a hard time breathings. So I went to the doctor, he said it was just a pulled muscle but then I told him I was having a hard time breathings. So he sent me to get an Ultra Sound on Friday morning in case of a blood clot. Come to find out, I did have blood clot. If I would have never gotten an ultra sound, and kept thinking it was a pulled clot, eventually It could have killed me.. yikes! Once I found out it was a blood clot, I had to go to the emergency room, where they took a cat scan of my chest to make sure I didn't have any clots in my chest and what not. They took lots of blood samples, which I had getting my blood taken, I about cried. Well the blood clot was in my calf and seemed to be staying there, so they put me blood thinner medication, one by pill and one where I had give my self a shot in my tummy. No fun at all. So after 4 hrs or so, they finally released me. I managed to give myself my shots, it hurt a little but not much. and I am still on the pills.

Today, I went to the doctors for a follow up. Well come to find out I have to be on my medication for 6 months! FML. and to make it worse I have get my blood drawn 2 times a week for the first month and then once a month for next 5 months after that. And I might have to go back on the shots if my blood hasn't changed yet. They have to monitor my blood for the 6 months to make sure its not to the thin or to thick. If its to thin I could start bleeding easily, and bleeding to death is possible. But if my blood is to thick, I will get more blood clots. With the blood thinner pills, I am not suppose to drink acohal, I dont know if that is for the whole time. But if it is,thats going to suck cause my 21st birthday is in 3 months and I won't even be allowed to drink!

Right now, I am in the mind set of " why do these bad things keep happening to me?" and I am just feeling really emotional after seeing the doctor today. I didnt' realize I was going have to be on my medication for 6 months, and having to get my blood taken so often. I just need to get through this and I'll be okay, at least I hope.

On the upside, Me and my friend Amie are moving in a 2 bedroom apartement in July, to be exact we get our keys on July 17th. The apartments are really nice. I am really excited about the change! :)

Well these are the major things have happened in the past 2 weeks! Hopefully things will start looking up soon and I can find a job really really soon. Wish me luck.

The Road to Recovery

I am the type of person that holds everything inside. I dont' like to share my issues or problems with other people very often. Right now I'm going though a lot and I can no longer hide that. I have been knocked down and kicked over and over. After my little break down last night, I realize its to pick myself up and fight back.

Its time to go into battle and fight and make a full recovery. With my guy ( which have not written about) leaving for 2 months, it will give me some time to focus on me and my issues. Hopefully by the time he returns, I am finished with this battle and fully recovered. Then he can see the happy and strong verison of me, the person he likes not this crazy, emotional and unstable me.
Here is the start of me getting back up and fighting back and to the start of recovery.

To be continued ....

It Stops Today

It Stops Today

By: Colbie Caillat

No, I don't want to break when I speak
I don't want to shake while I'm standing

I don't want to crawl into another hole

I don't know what I'm hiding for

No, I don't want to fall when I stand

I don't want to have to hold your hand

I just want to be the girl I use to be, when I was me and worry free

I know these burnings on my own

But I can't keep on running

No, I just can't keep on running away from here

I know that the only way to be is to fight my every fear

I'm not going to make it til I turn around and face it alone, I know

I can't just keep running, no i can't keep on running away

So it stops today

So here I am, I'm taking my first step

Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself

I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help

I'm going to make it past the very start

It's always been my hardest part

But I'm going to stay in control

I must admit this crutch is getting old

I'm going to throw it out of my hand

I'm finally here, I understand

I know I'll get there on my own

So I can't keep on running

No, I just can't keep on running away from here

I know the only way to be is fighting my every fear

I'm not going to make it til I turn around and face it alone, I know

That I can't keep on running, no I just can't keep on running away

So it stops today

You can hide from all the pain

But it will find you anyway

Yes, I know, now I know

So I can't keep on running

No, I just can't keep on running away from here

I know the only way to be is fighting my every fear

I'm not going to make it til I turn around and face it alone, I know
That I can't keep on running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stops today

This song by Colbie Caillat really inspires me. Lately I have felt like I've been going through a lot but now I am ready to move past it. I have to face my fears. I have to get my act together, espically with starting new classes on Monday. Last quarter I really slacked off, I got 4 B's and 1 C. Which I was not happy about at all, but its my own fault. So next quarter I need focus and not let stupid things get in the way, like drama for example. I need to start figuring out what I want to do after I graduated from college in Spring 2012. It will come quick. I sometimes I feel like I lose my way but I just to keep my head up in those times and know that I am strong and I can get through anything. I have to stop doubting myself, I have to learn to have faith in myself and more faith in others. Today I stop running and face all the challenges life throws my way.

I am not going to aplogize for my flaws

Everyone has flaws, physical and inner. Having flaws doesn't make anyone less of a person. Some people feel the need to point out other people's flaws to make themselves feel better instead of just accepting that persons flaws or taking notice of their own flaws.

I have many flaws that I am well aware of.

I sometimes can be too chatty but that doesn't mean what I have to say isn't important.

I may not be the smartest person but doesn't I am stupid in anyway, and doesn't give anyone the right to make me feel stupid.

I get upset easily, but sometimes I have good reason.

I may care to much at time but it's better than not caring at all.

I may drink too much sometimes but I have fun and that's what counts. ( The day after affects may not be too fun though)

I can be to opinionated but my opinions come with the best intentions.

Some of my opinions I have may come off wrong and are never meant to hurt some one's feelings but if taken the wrong way and some one's feelings do get hurt, it doesn't mean I don't deserve forgiveness.

There is not one person in the entire world that doesn't have flaws. People need to learn to accept their own flaws, as well as other people's flaws. People also need to take into consideration of people's flaw when judging another person. I know I am learning to accept my own flaws.

Change

TAYLOR SWIFT LYRICS - Change: "'Change'

And it’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and
You know it’s all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you’re getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do
And I’ll do anything to see it through

Because these things will change
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
This revolution, the time will come
For us to finally win
And we’ll sing hallelujah, we’ll sing hallelujah

So we’ve been outnumbered
Raided and now cornered
It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair
We’re getting stronger now
Find things they never found
They might be bigger
But we’re faster and never scared
You can walk away, say we don’t need this
But there’s something in your eyes
Says we can beat this

Because these things will change
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
This revolution, the time will come
For us to finally win
And we’ll sing hallelujah, well sing hallelujah

Tonight we stand, get off our knees
Fight for what we’ve worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives
But we’ll stand up champions tonight

It was the night things changed
Can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It’s a revolution, throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah
Hallelujah"

This Taylor Swift song is one of my favorites. Lately my life has been a rollercoster of ups and downs, mostly downs. But like this song says these things will change. Things will get better again and a bit easier again. I just have keep my held up high and keep fighting. Things may be tough right now but they can't stay like that forever. I was talking to my cousin, the subject wasn't about life but without her even knowing she helped me come up with way to keep fighting, even though I want to give up sometimes. I just need to keep myself busy, and not worry so much about everything. I need to stay busy to keep my mind from thinking too much. I need to make some changes in my life, that is the only way things will improve. First and for most, I need to find a way to get motivate in school and keep motivate. Next I need to find a job, asap. It sucks not having money to do stuff and having to ask my parents for money. And I need to get in a regular routine of working out, I really need to get back into shape. Finally, I need to find some new interests, things to do. If anyone has any ideas for me, please let me know. :) Change will do me some good. The battle will be long but I will continue to fight no matter what.

Scared....

In life we are scared of many things. I know for me I am scared of a lot of things in life.
I am scared of spiders, I am scared of bees, I am scared of the ocean, I am scared of drowning, I am scared of the dark sometimes, I am scared of hospitals, I am scared of failing, I am scared of not being able to reach my dreams, I am scared of my losing my loved ones, I am scared of feeling to much for a guy, I am scared of getting hurt, I am scared of getting my heartbroken, I am scared of never finding the one...

But just because I am scared of all those things, doesn't mean I just stop living my life. Sometimes I just have to risk to over come those fears. Sometimes I just have to let myself open my heart to someone and hope it doesn't get broken I just have to live live and hope for the best.

Something different

What do you do when you feel like the world around you is caving in? When you feel like you are just falling apart and losing control? It sucks to feel lost and alone. It sucks even more when the people that you thought you could count on, let you down, so from then on you just expect the worst of every body. What do you do when you look back at some things you've done and you just don't feel proud of yourself? What do you when you love someone or just like them alot, and they have seen you at the worst moments, and you are pretty sure they now think less of you? How do you change that image they have of you? What do you do when all you wish is to just start over, in a new place, with new people, that know nothing about you, you can be anything you want, a whole different person. Sometimes that is all I wish for, for things to be different.

Someday....

Everyone always says... someday.... in my opinion it is true. Things don't always just come to us right away, its always someday it will come to us.
Some day I'll graduate from college. Someday I'll have my own clothing line. Someday I'll have my clothing store. Someday I'll meet the perfect guy, he may have flaws but he will be perfect for me. Someday I'll get married. Someday I might have kids. Someday I will travel the world. Someday I'll have a puppy of my own. Someday I'll sky dive. Someday I will have it all, it may not be really "everything" but I will be happy with what I got and feel like I have it all. Someday.... can be far in the future, or could be right around the corner. I guess, Someday can be when you make it. Someday,sometimes can't be forced though. Someday can come with out you even knowing it.

Bring It On

2009 was an alright year for me, could have been a little better, but isn't that the way it usually is? A lot of good things did come my way though. I rekindle some friendships, that was great. I am so happy that me and my oldest friend Lindsey are close again, I really missed her. My best friend from high school Krista and I really got our friendship back on track, and I am so grateful for that, I couldn't picture my life with out her. Krista and I actually brought in the new year together, I wished our other best friend Alana could have been with us. In 2009, I made some awesome friends while I was at UofA and at my new school the Art Institute. David, I met him in february, such an awesome guy, it sucks that we hardly get to see each other since he is at UofA, I consider him one of my best friends. Emily and Stephanie, I met them in the 08/09 school year at UofA. Love those girls, we have so many awesome memories and even tho I don't go to UofA anymore, there will be more memories to come. :) Clorae, met her at the Art Institute, she is the best. I couldn't have asked for a better friend to meet at my new school. She is such a sweetheart and amazing friend overall. Rasha, my best friend from fith grade, we didn't talk for years, but once I moved to phoenix, we became best friends again. She is a great friend and i am lucky to have her in my life. I know we will be friends for a long time to come! There are other friends I've met but these are a few that stick out. But all of my friends are pretty damn amazing, and i am lucky to have met all of you!!
In 2009 I really grew up and learned more about myself. I am really happy with where my life is going in 2010. I know a lot of great things will come my way in 2010, I just have a good feeling about it. Bring it on 2010!!!